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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976505">Dear Janus, I'm Sorry...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billcipher111/pseuds/Billcipher111'>Billcipher111</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides One-Shots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:41:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23976505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billcipher111/pseuds/Billcipher111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Its been a few months since Deceit- Janus was accepted by the other sides. It was going great!</p>
<p> Janus was getting along with everyone! Everyone but Roman... But it was ok! Roman just needed a little more time! Right...?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides One-Shots [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear Janus, I'm Sorry...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Its been a few months since Deceit- <em>Janus</em> was accepted by the other sides. It was going... <em>ok</em>... Janus and Patton had gotten along surprisingly well. They hung out a lot and Janus helped Patton lighten up on Thomas, letting him have more leisure time without guilting him for not dedicating his every living moment to helping others. They also booth liked cooking and they could often be found together in the kitchen baking.</p>
<p>It took slightly longer but Janus and Logan had gotten along quite well, often discussing philosophy and reading together. It was safe to say Logan appreciated having another side to discus more <em>educated</em> things with. Even if his companion tended to spontaneously <em>lose</em> all of his brain cells and do something stupid to <em>or</em> with Remus, often pushing said side down the stairs.</p>
<p>Virgil was the hardest to convince. The other sides could see that the two had a <em>not so pleasant</em> history and worried that they would never get along, but slowly Virgil had begun to accept Janus. It didn't take much time after that to find them singing Panic at the Disco with each other or watching a movie.</p>
<p>Janus and Remus were still as close as ever, Janus even convincing the others to let him come over more often. They were hesitant <em>at first</em> but they aloud it. At first, they regretted it, but seeing how happy Janus was with Remus had them allowing him to come over more often. And they're glad they did because at this point Remus was another member of their family. Deodorant eating and all!</p>
<p>Roman was where things became more <em>complicated</em>...</p>
<p>Roman avoided Janus, making sure they were rarely in the same room as each other. When they spoke he <em>never</em> used Janus' name, preferring to calling him his title instead. When the other sides started to interfere and trying to act as a meditator between the two, Roman had just left to his room, not even listening to them. They were hurt, of course, but they had come to the conclusion that Roman was having a hard time accepting Janus so they Remained patient.</p>
<p>Then a month had passed.</p>
<p>
  <em>Then two...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then Remus had started coming over.</em>
</p>
<p>Then Roman started to <em>never</em> leave his room. The others were worried of course, but a few had started to become fed up with Roman's behavior. Logan had already stopped trying to be polite at this point and would tell Roman that he needed to grow up, that he was acting childish at this point and all it did was make him look foolish.</p>
<p>Virgil had tried talking to Roman threw his door and get fed up when he refused to answer. He started to raise his voice to tell Roman that he was being an idiot and this was going too far. Everyone else was fine with Janus and Remus being there, and if he couldn't just accept that, then he must have had a bigger stick up his ass than logan did on most days then stormed off. <em>He was ashamed he had ever had even the smallest crush on the creative side.</em></p>
<p>Remus <em>refused</em> to acknowledge his brother, knowing if he saw him, he didn't think he would be able to help but <em>stabbing</em> him. He <em>hated</em> his brother, with a <em>burning passion</em>, ever since he learned how he had made fun of Janus' name. And he had the fucking Gaul, to look him in the eyes and <em>not</em> apologize the first chance he got. <em>He wanted to skin the bastard</em>, but Janus had made him promise to not resort to violence, not wanting to make things worse. So it was best that Remus just stated away from Roman <em>completely</em>, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his promise if he saw the<em> little bitch.</em></p>
<p>Patton was the only one left how had any hope for Roman, but even <em>that</em> was beginning to dwindle.</p>
<p>And Roman defiantly wasn't doing too well for himself either. He had never wanted to <em>hurt</em> anyone. All he had ever wanted to do was be Thomas' hero and help him achieve his dream. And now he wasn't much of a hero and he didn't feel like he deserved to help Thomas achieve all his hopes and dreams. He was a <em>horrible</em> person who deserved <em>nothing</em> but the hate from his fellow sides that he was rightfully owed. He had to be <em>dealt</em> with. <em>But there was one last thing he had to do...</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>It was an early Saturday morning and most of the sides were just relaxing in the common room when a perplexed Janus walked in, holding something. "What you got there, Jan?" Patton asked as he was huddled next to a flustered Logan who was holding a book, they appeared to be reading together but Logan's way to obvious crush was making it rather hard on him.</p>
<p>"Definitely not a letter, If that's what you were thinking." He said casually, looping down on the couch next to Virgil.</p>
<p>"Who's it from?" Virgil asked, looking over at the scarlet letter that he now noticed was sealed with a gold wax stamp with a little crown embedded in it. Oh god, it could have only been one person who would have a letter set that dramatic.</p>
<p>Janus shrugged, "Roman." Immediately the room became a crisp silence as Janus opened the letter.</p>
<p>"Why the fuck," Remus paused, ignoring patrons small resistance that he watch his mouth, "Is that bastard writing you a letter?" He asked, already preparing himself to bust down his brother's door and kick his ass if he had written anything that would have hurt his best friend's feelings.</p>
<p>"Maybe its an apology?" Patton said hopefully.</p>
<p>"I highly sought it," Logan stated, " With Romans Recent behavior and his lack of effort into improving his relations with everyone, I dought that he would put In the effort into sending Janus a personalized letter." He said. Patton outed at him, "What? I'm right! Roman's recent behavior would be completely contradictory to an apology!"</p>
<p>"I'm afraid to say this, L" Janus started as he read the beginning of the letter. "Patton's right, its definitely an apology letter," he said.</p>
<p>Logan looked baffled, "How are you so sure?" He asked.</p>
<p>"The first line literally says, 'Dear Janus, I'm sorry'" He answered.</p>
<p>"That sounds... suspicious..." Virgil said. </p>
<p>"What?" Patton blurted out, "Why?"</p>
<p>"Because!" He began, "All this time Roman has been locked in his room, away from everyone, making absolutely no effort into coming out here! And all of a sudden he decides that this is a good time to randomly apologize? Somethings up..." He insisted.</p>
<p>"I have to side with Virgil on this one," Janus said suddenly as he glanced over the letter. "This is defiantly an apology but something is... off... about it." He said.</p>
<p>"Like what?" Logan asked.</p>
<p>"The letter is unusual, and there are sections that are scribbled and crossed out, nowhere near the standards Roman would usually set for his work." He said glancing over the letter, not really reading it just looking at the strange formating.</p>
<p>"So that MoFo had the balls to ignore you and insult you for fucking months then give you a half-assed excuse for an apology!" Remus growled angrily.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't say he 'Half-assed' this letter," Janus said, "It looks well made enough, just rushed. Almost like he didn't know what to say or he had a time limit? I'm not sure. But it seems to be sincere..." He said. Something about this letter made him vaguely uncomfortable...</p>
<p>"Well then," Patton said, "Read it."</p>
<p>The room was silent for a few moments before Virgil yelled out, "Out loud you dorky snake!"</p>
<p>Janus blushed as he realized his mistake, "My bad... ehem-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Dear Janus, I'm sorry. I am deeply sorry for <em><strike>the awful</strike>-</em> all the horrible things I have said to you and for not accepting you when everyone else had. <strike><em>I was scared- I am scared-</em></strike> In truth, I was scared.</p>
<p>With everything going on with the wedding and you being accepted so quickly, I had <strike><em>felt panicked and</em></strike> felt like I had no control over the situation, so I panicked and turned to insult you and laughing. But no matter how<em><strike> scared- panicked-</strike></em> I felt, there is absolutely no excuse <em><strike>for why</strike></em>- <strike><em>to justify me laughing- </em></strike>for the way I treated you. I <strike><em>absolutely</em></strike> crossed the line when I laughed at your name, and for that, I give you my deepest apologies. <strike><em>I laughed too when Virgil gave his name and I also owe him an apology, I owe them all apologies- </em></strike>I had absolutely no right to insult you.</p>
<p>And that is why I have decided to isolate myself in my room <em><strike>forever</strike> </em>for the time being. Everything felt out of control and was changing so fast and I had resorted to insulting <strike><em>or in best-case scenarios, ignoring you </em></strike>you and you did not deserve it. So I found it best to lock myself in my room to prevent further distress to anyone else. I am starting to realize that <strike><em>I have insulted all of you a lot, y go-to when distressed it to insult,</em></strike> I insult a lot. When I'm scared or worried <strike><em>or even with shows and people I like- </em></strike>I turn to point fun at others. I still don't know why I do that<strike><em>, maybe to turn people away from seeing my own flaws- maybe because I want to feel better about myself- it makes me feel better to point out bad things about others so I can feel happy about my self- I hate myself-I<strong>'m so so so sorry, please</strong></em></strike></p>
<p>I'm sorry to say that I am going to be staying in my room a while longer. But I am truly sorry. t-"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Janus paused, glancing over the last bit of the letter as his already pale face seemed to lose its color. "Jan?" Remus asked, "What's wrong?" With a shaky voice, he quickly continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"But I am truly sorry, to all of you. I am sorry to logan for always getting into fights with him and always making fun of him and never trying to listen to what he had to say.</p>
<p>I am sorry to Patton for patronizing you then immediately turning around and clinging to your words as truth just because your 'morality', <strike><em>that must have added unnecessary stress witch I would regret to cause</em></strike>.</p>
<p>I am sorry to Virgil, for all those times I had ever made fun of you or picked on you. I was supposed to be a hero, and a hero would have never insulted you on a daily basis, and I am sorry for pushing you away when you had come to my room to try and get me to come out. We had just started to become proper friends and I just had to go and ruling it, <strike><em>just like everything else</em></strike>.</p>
<p>Remus, I am sorry that I had ever tried to deny your rightful places as apart of Thomas' creativity. <strike><em>I guess I was just afraid that if there were two creativities, Thomas wouldn't need me anymore. </em></strike>Your just as good, if not a better creativity and I know you'll do a good job.</p>
<p>And Janice. I am truly sorry for everything.<strike><em> For making you the villain,</em></strike> for trying to make you the bad guy, for laughing at your name once you allowed yourself to trust us with such an important thing, for the many times I have insulted you, and much more...</p>
<p>... It's ok if you hate me, after this. After all, I deserve it. But as one last effort to do <strike><em>something</em></strike> anything right, I will make sure I <em>fix</em> the problem at the source.<em> Permanently</em>.</p>
<p>Sincerest Apologies,</p>
<p>Roman"</p>
<p>The room was silent for a moment, "Oh god..." Patton whimpered out as he heled his hand over his mouth. </p>
<p>Remus suddenly perked his head up and stapped it towards the stairs that led to the hall with all the light sides bedrooms, "Roman!-" Remus went running up the stairs but Virgil was already ahead of him, sprinting up the stairs with everyone right beside him. Getting to the dor he tried to open it only to find it was locked. He didn't have time to panic though, and Remus decided it would be faster to ram his entire body into the door, taring it off if his hinges.</p>
<p>Immediately the strong sent of copper grabbed at there attention. "Roman!" Janus called out, only to get no response. "Roman?!" He didn't see Roman in his room but the scent of blood was too strong to be coming from anywhere else.</p>
<p>Patton quickly made his way to Roman's bathroom and threw open the door where he proceeded to ket out a horrified scream. Instantly the others were there, at his sides. And their roman was. Lying against the bathtub with his sword in one hand, and large gashes down both, leaving the unconscious side a bloodied mess. "Oh god, Roman!" Virgil yelled, rushing to his side with the others quickly behind him.</p>
<p>'C-check his pulse!" Logan said as he summoned a first aid kit and begun bandaging Romans arms. There were three deep cuts on each arm, but there were many more layered underneath that. It looked like he had been doing that for years...</p>
<p>"He- He has a plus, but it's weak." Janus stuttered as he helped Logan bandage up his arms.</p>
<p>Patton cried and clung to Remus, not knowing what else to do. And Remus just stood there in shock, staring at his brother who was bleeding out on the bathroom floor. "Hey, Roman," Virgil said weakly as he softly shook his shoulders, trying desperately to wake Roman up, "C-come on, Roman, wake up." He cried, "Wake up!" he sobbed as Janus put a comforting hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"We need to get him out of here," Logan said, "He will heal faster in the common room," Logan said as they finished bandaging Roman's arms.</p>
<p>"Ok," Janus said while quickly, but carefully, picking Roman up bridal style. "Let's go." He said, making his way out of Roman's room and to the living room with the others quickly following. It would be ok. Everything would be ok. Roman would be ok. He would make sure of it...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know if you want more chapters. If not it will just stay this little angsty one-shot! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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